Hello Lovelies, here's a different type of post for you today it's more personal and something that I think everyone goes through in their lives and here's just what it's like for me.
Image from Google.
I used to be very trusting in people till I was about 14 this was when I got bullied and because it was by people I thought were my friends and I had trusted in them with my personal information and I had heard whispers about me so they could have told people I'm not 100% sure but that was the main reason in me not being able to trust anyone else I thought that whatever I told them they could use it against me to hurt me so I didn't want to leave my self unprotected from the hurt so I built a sort of wall where I talked to people about everyday things but wasn't able to tell them anything personal.
When I got to college I thought it could be a change for me, that people would be more mature and I could maybe be more trusting in people, I was able to talk about my past experiences and how I found it hard to trust people and people did understand I still wasn't able to let them in but I would take about personal things, I found a new friend that had a lot of same experiences as me and so I found it easier to talk about these things because she understood what I had been through but I could never tell her completely everything and couldn't drop my wall down, even with my wall up I still got hurt so I didn't want to let it down to let more hurt through.
I started my new course this year at college and made more friends and one would just tell us everything that had ever happened to her and she didn't have a fear about telling us, it made me think that I would be able to let my guard down and be more trusting and I would tell them about my past experiences and personal things and I started to slowly let my guard down a bit each time and be more trusting but like anything else something would happened which made me think I can't do it and I would put my guard back up and have to start all over again in trusting them.
There's been know one I can trust completely, I've tried so hard to be trusting in people and let my guard down but they do something it can be big or little and it just forces me to protect myself, I hate the feeling of hurt and pain so I don't want to put myself through it so I don't know if I will ever be able to let my guard down but I keep trying and at that's all I can do but I hope one day I will be able to trust in someone because not being able to trust people makes you feel alone and I hate feeling alone.
I think everyone has people that they find it hard to trust, so I thought I would tell my personal experience of not being able to trust.
I just want to tell people if you ever feel like this and you want to talk about it, I'm still going through it and I know what it's like, I'm always here for you, you can email me email@example.com or on twitter.
I never want people to feel the way I have felt because its not nice.
It was really hard for me to write this post but I hope its helpful to someone and to let people know I'm always here for you to talk to.